“I’m not a comic book villain. Do you seriously believe that I would explain my masterstroke to you if there remained the slightest possibility you could effect its outcome. I triggered it 35 minutes ago.”
– Ozymandias. The Watchmen
I have mentioned before the one trans that I knew (who in my opinion really took about things the wrong way, as if there was a right one I guess), but the part that always got me was that their favorite movie was The Shawshank Redemption in that they seemed to be such a poor Andy Dufrense. They announced, sent out letters, and immediately went about transitioning at work. I don’t think that they quite had the patience of Andy’s pressure and time. No real love for geology. Pressure and time and progress.
When I was a freshman in high school, I went to band camp and had a nearly religious experience. The band was a close knit group (get it out of your systems ‘this one time at band camp…’) . They told me that when I got to high school, I did not need to worry. They were there for me. They were the only real friends and family I would ever need once I got there. These were my friends. This was my world. I was finally in a place where I was accepted. I believed them. While I was in the band, I would never need anyone else. I did not read the fine print on that statement as much as I should have.
“While I was in band…” I made the marching band but I was not a good enough player to make the symphonic band. I was still in the band but I was put in sort of a band study hall. I went into a practice room every day and practiced… alone. Symphonic band was in the spring. I went to that room and practiced alone every day. It was kind of a microcosm of my freshman year out side of the practice room as well. I was alone. I was not really in the band, so my ‘family’ kind of drifted away. In the euphoria of marching band, I had not bothered to meet any new people. I had not bothered to make any new friends. So, I was really alone that semester. I was alone… and I learned a hard lesson that I would take with me for the rest of my life.
I had given one group the power to take every thing away from me. Why? Because I had given them that power. I had given them everything. Exclusion from the group meant exclusion from everything. Ultimately, the ostracization was my own fault because I had given them the power to do that. Never again would I give any group everything. Never again was I not going to have at least one other group that would really know nothing of at least one other group that I was a part of.
When I wrote my first book (and there have been a few) I assumed that my friends and family would be so happy for me getting published that they would constitute the core of the people buying the book. However, they generally either expected a free copy because they ‘knew the author’ or they did read it and hated it because it was not whatever they thought that I should write. I was despondent over my ‘failure.’ That was until I started to get fan letters from people that had read my book and loved it. These were people that did not know me. These were people that connect with the work. I learned another very important lesson. Your friends and family are your friends and family. Your audience is your audience. Your audience will seek out your work. Your friends and family may happen to be your audience but that would only be kind of a happy medium.
So to review.
Never let one group have so much power over your life that their exclusion would cut off all of your social ties. Always have a group that would be happy to have you increase your presence in that group. No one ever gets everything. Second, those who support you may not necessarily be your friends and your family but they do exist.
Then there is Ozymandias and Andy Dufresne. Never tell anyone a plan until it is too late for them to possibly do anything about it to effect the outcome. That is why myself as Sherry needs to be built in really careful steps like bricks in a building. There is a very real possibility that everyone I know is going to reject who I really am. I accept that. However, by the time they have the option of accepting or rejecting me – there should already be a support network in place to deal with that. Before I announce to anyone en masse, there is going to be a concrete plan in place that will involve work, home, and beyond. There should already be progress or completion of changing the name as well as counseling as well as support network just in case. Andy Dufresne crawled out of Shawshank Prison on his terms. Ozymandias explained his plan only after it was done. Any announcement will be basically saying what has been done and what they missed, not what will be done or asking for any type of permission.
Important ones will know. At some point I will start to invite people that I already know and can hopefully trust into reading this particular blog. They will be based on the people that I think would be most accepting as well as most capable of holding everything in based on our friendship. They will not be among many of the people that I currently consider to be my best friends. The paradign is starting to shift. I can see that now. Every day that I get in relative seclusion and secrecy is a day in victory. It is a day to lay down another brick and tunnel a little bit farther out.
At heart, I am a bit of a planner. I am also a bit of a surpriser. When I announced to my family that the divorce was taking place, my ex wife already had a job and a place to stay. It was more of an announcement of where she would be moving too. When I moved my family across country, I had already secured the interview or which I was sure would end in a job, contacted about a place to stay, quit my old job, and let my lease run out. I was already at a point in which there was no turning back. I will know when the moment comes, but it will not be anything like ‘here I am, it is just kind of something that I am telling everyone.’ It will be announcement that will require knowledge of every step that I had taken already that no one ever knew. That is how you make progress having utilized pressure and time.
Do? I triggered it 35 minutes ago.
Till Tommorow..
Becoming Sherry 